Mended with Gold Counseling
Stephanie Brell, LCSW, CADC I
When to Seek Counseling
Life is busy. Most of us have demands on our time. And you have undoubtedly weathered many challenges without counseling. How can you tell when it is time to work with a therapist?
When your self esteem prevents you from getting what you need
Your self esteem is your perception of your own strengths and abilities. Healthy self esteem is demonstrated in making decisions with confidence, feeling comfortable with a range of emotions, and the ability to learn from your mistakes. When chronic pessimism, "people pleasing" and feelings of inadequacy occur regularly it's a potential signal that your self esteem is low. Partnering with a therapist can offer ways to think flexibly about yourself, to give yourself credit for the successes and take ownership of mistakes-without shame or guilt. Therapy can also help develop strategies to increase assertiveness. In this process, integrity and self esteem can flourish, and have the ripple effect of a stronger parent, caregiver, professional, student, you.
When your primary coping strategy is using alcohol, drugs or behaviors, or someone you love is using
Generally, people who use alcohol, drugs or behaviors (compulsive use of gambling, internet, shopping, eating) do not do so to become addicted. The origins of addiction are frequently seen as relief: relief from boredom, loneliness, memories of trauma, grief, or untreated mental health conditions. Addiction is progressive, however. It can change both brain structure and function. Recovery is very possible and enhanced by a strong support system, which often includes counseling.
When you experience a loss, whether a person, pet or opportunity
Grief is a human response to loss. And the reality is that we encounter many losses throughout our lives. Sometimes it's the miscarriage, the job or degree not obtained, the break up. The death of someone we love often turns our world upside down. Grief reminds us of the intensity of our connection to a person. Grief calls us not to "get over it", as some will recommend. Rather, as an event that touches our identity, role and spirituality grief calls us to reorganize in a world that does not include who or what we love. Hopes and opportunities are no less missed when the outcome varies from expectation. During the confusion of grief, counseling can utilize your perspective and strengths to begin the journey from fractured to whole.
When others express concern about your coping
Although awkward to hear at first, this feedback from someone else can be a turning point. When we experience stress, our ability to fully engage in our lives lessens. Our emotional side overwhelms us, while the wisdom we have garnered over the years takes a back seat. Big picture thinking is lost when we ruminate on our problems or procrastinate problem solving. And this tends to alienate us from our true selves, as well as from the people that we love. It takes a lot of courage to start counseling and at the same time, the counseling relationship can offer support, and relief from stress.
When your pain is chronic pain or a family member has chronic pain
A 2015 NIH study estimated just under 50 million American adults suffer from chronic pain or severe pain. Pain can feel so challenging. It's simultaneously universal to the human experience, yet unique to each one of us. Pain moves into our lives uninvited, and isolates us from our relationships and ourselves. It's no wonder that anxiety, anger, depression and loneliness often accompany chronic pain. Pain lasting longer than 3 months can actually change how our brains respond to mood and anxiety, as well as pain itself. The good news is that the mind and body can work very well together. Counseling can enhance all of the work you are doing now to keep yourself as healthy and comfortable as possible. Additionally, counseling can ease the stress, social isolation, and fear of the unknown if you are caring for someone struggling with chronic pain.
When you are overwhelmed
When we set personal standards, we do so with the best of intentions. We want to perform to the best of our abilities. We often want to handle our issues independently. Perfectionism and an inflexible adherence to independence can lead to isolation and anxiety, impacting coping and problem solving. Short term therapy can often facilitate perspective into these patterns, offering a more objective view on how to live comfortably, despite stress.